Because MrReeve s is cool like that:

[My favs are in bold, and comments in Italics.]

Here is the Washington Post's Mensa Invitational which once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. The 2005 winners:

1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

2. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realise it was your money to start with. [This is so economics.]

4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high

8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it. [Mary may use this term generously.]

9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

10. Hipatitis: Terminal Coolness

11. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. [HAHA. A DEGENERATE disease. Geddit geddit.]

12. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

13. Decafalon (n.): The gruelling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you

14. Glibido: All talk and no action.

15. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you

16. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

17. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

18. Caterpallor (n.): The colour you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.

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And some alternate meanings for existing words:

1) Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.

2) Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.

3) Abdicate,v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach. [Unfortunately, both 2 and 3 apply to me]

4) Esplanade,v. To attempt an explanation while drunk

5) Willy Nilly, adj. Impotent.

6) Negligent, adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.

7) Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.

8) Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash

9) Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.

10) Balderdash, n. A rapidly erceding hairline.

11) Testicle, n. A humorous question on an exam. [E.g. Last year's physics test. Why don't our feet hurt when we walk over burning coal?
a) blah
b) blah
c) Mind over matter techniques
d) blah
Ahahaha. I miss thiocky muchly.]

12) Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13) Pokemon, n. A rastafarian proctologist.

14) Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with yiddishisms.

15) Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

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And for some just plain retarded lines:

1) Save the whales. Collect the whole set.

2) A day without sunshine is like...night.

3) On the other hand, you have different fingers.

4) 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

5) He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

6) Depression is like anger without enthusiasm.

7) The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.

8) Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have. [Yeah, be nice. Where would America be without bacteria?]

9) A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

10) Change is inevitable, except from vending machines. [Feels like we're talking about rg vending machines here. Change from THEM is as evitable as, say, an extra chem part from Moley.]

11) If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

12) How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Okay, then raise my hand.

13) OK, so what's the speed of dark? [I highly doubt that light travels at the fastest speed. After all, wherever it goes, the darkness has been there first. x) Okay fine not funny.]

14) When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

15) Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

16) How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?

17) Eaglse may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

18) What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

19) Just remember - if the world didn't suck. we would all fall off.

21) Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

-

YAYY. See. My CT is utter coolness. And he has a wife with pink hair. I saw her and I was, like, ZOMG PINK! x) Ahahaha you arts and science students, *coughmelcough* don't you envy me?

At any rate, I've been doing housework. Cause I'm guai like that. Grins. Or, at least, since I can hear bel choking, because CNY is coming, and I have two choices:

1) Help in the food preparations during CNY, or
2) Help in cleaning the house.

Was there even a choice in this? I mean, in comparison to standing in front of the window, feeling the breeze and doing random unhooking of the curtains, the idea of being in the kitchen with all the heat and the smell of food and being UNABLE TO EAT ANYTHING sounds absolutely tempting.

On a side note, I can cook pancakes. It's really quite easy, all things considered. Mix the paste, dump it into the wok, and wait until the bottom part is cooked enough to move without smearing then just push it around. Then just add the maple syrup I bought from canada. x)

Okay, back to the point. My mom says I'm more like a guy in terms of doing housework than a female, since I prefer tinkering with stuff rather than the more mundane parts of life, like cooking and ironing. [But I CAN sew, okay. Not very well, but I CAN, at any rate. Sniffs.]

AT ANY RATE, I'm not sure whether to feel insulted about that comment. I mean, it could be worse. She could say I'm more like a, erm, housefly. Or, erm. Oh shit. I can't think of anything worse. x)

OKAY SORRY I'M BEING SEXIST LAH. Though I bet no guys read this, but still. Haiyah. Okay sorry I'll do my best to keep myself unbiased okay? It's going to be hard to tell lies, but-

Lolx fine. I shall stop that now. x)

Oh, and for the record:



Get your own valentinr

I WANT ONE. Stares at melgenbel/tofu/lickie/sweatycatjuice.